Poem - Dreaming / Momma
I wrote this poem for you my sweet boy. Momma misses you so much.
I had a bad dream last night
The worst I ever had
I dreamt my life had changed so drastically
‘Cause you were no longer here with me and everyday my heart was sad
I dreamt one day that you were fine
Healthy and smiling all the time
With that beautiful grin that brightened my day
Those big brown eyes that momma got lost in; they told the things you couldn’t say
The sound of your voice though no words could be spoken
Those coos and ahs always made me start smiling
But then one day it all changed
You were lying in a hospital bed
There was no smiling or cooing nothing at all
This is were my life was rearranged
My world would all fall
You were sick would only be with us a few more days the doctor said
Wait a minute!
Just a few days ago you were smiling…
Someone please wake me from this horrible dream!!!
The pain in my heart awakens me and brings me to reality
I open my tear filled eyes and lay there a moment…
It’s all coming back to me…
My heart begins to ache again
The sadness engulfs me
The tears begin to fall
And again I come to realize
This wasn’t a dream at all.
-Written by Theresa Alonso 8/27/11
(To my precious Nino boy) Close
My precious Nino boy. I miss you so much still. Christmas without you is so hard. Daddy and I felt so emotional just putting up your ornaments. I cried. I hated knowing that all I could get you for Christmas was a tree and make you a grave blanket. It took hours and it was well worth it but again I cried. I know it's gotten easier over the years to deal with the pain in my heart but I know that the pain will never ever go away and now and then it still feels like a piercing pain shooting through my heart. I love you and miss you so much my sweet boy. I hope you had a Merry Christmas. Close
Missing you / Momma
My precious Nino boy it's been a year and a half and I still miss you so much. Everynight I open your bedroom door to tell you good night I know you're not there but it helps my heart. I hope you can hear me from heaven though. You're birthday is coming up in 2 weeks and I'm trying to keep it together. I miss you so much I look at your picture everyday and wish I could just give you a kiss on the check and take in your smell like I use to. Someday I'll see you again my sweet boy. I love you with all my heart always. Close
jus because / Jamie (none)
mii heart goes out to ur family!!! i didnt no u but i jus was admiring ur page brought tears to mii eyes!!! god bless u and ur family ur son is at peace and watching over his family!!!! Close
my dream / Misty Santacruz (Thia) I had a dream of u Nino. Started with me going to see u at the hospital. The doctor had said tenth floor but when i hit the 10th button. it went from 10th to a thousand and i couldn't reach u . When i finally did i had asked the doctors would u be ok an if they could do anything but they said they couldn't. I went and picked u up my fragile lil nephew and i looked at u with tears filling my eyes i heard the sweetest words that i will never forget as long as i live. As u said u love me and u don't want to go but u had too then u smiled at me and passed away. U were my family lil angel waiting for wings an u got them now. I will see u again one sweet day. love u mijo!!Close
Little Brother, I Miss You So Much..... / Ricki Suarez (Your Big Sister )Read >>
Little Brother, I Miss You So Much..... / Ricki Suarez (Your Big Sister )
My Nino boy I did it. On Juni 5th 2010 I graduated and as I crossed that stage I couldnt help but think of you & how much I wished I could see you. I felt like you were there with me but I didnt mention it to the family. Now im about to be 18 & start college & move out Uqhh growing up does suck. I wish you were here with me right now. It might seem ridiculous but Im honestly scared I wont make it out there. I miss you so much I remember playing with you in your bed when we where little. Now you will stay young forever & im growing up by myself I just wish i still had my brother with me. I know your in a better place though & your happy too. Just let me know your there from time to time okay especially if I start to qive up qive me a little push okay. Words cant explain how much I love you little brother & you will forever be in my heart. Have fun with the other angels. Close
Planting your tree / Momma
My sweet Nino boy. We went to Joe Kelly for your tree planting on Friday Maart 26th. Your Nana's birthday. I feel so comfortable being there. It makes me feel so close to you. Jonnie gave me your art work that you won an award for. We'll be hanging it up not sure where exactly but we will. She also make cotton candy for everyone because it was your favorite treat. I made sure to let all the staff and teachers know how grateful I am for them and the way they took care of and loved you. It was such a comfort to my heart being there with them and all the kids. Your tree is right in front Nino and I know you will shine down on it and help it to grow big and strong so that it can be there for many many years to come. I miss you so much Nino and I'm so glad that they let me plant this tree in your memory it meant the world to me. I love you son and words will never be able to express how much I miss you. Close
planting of ur tree / Misty Santacruz (Thia)Read >>
planting of ur tree / Misty Santacruz (Thia) On ur nana's birthday was the day we had a ceremony of planting ur tree. I felt lost right when i seen ur school. I had all these thoughts of how i was going to react with all those other kids that were special just like u. When i got there i already wanted to cry but of course held it in. When the ceremony started i was in my own little world trying so hard not to cry scared the family will see me. I just dnt want to break down scared that i will never stop crying cause of what i really feel. But as the other kids came out i noticed at least three of them looked like u and my bby kayla asked me if they brought u back from heaven for ur ceremony. I told her softly no that u were still there but watching over us thats why the sun shined so brightly down upon us Then i turned away an shed a few tears. I love u my sweet lil nephew. As the sun shines brightly around i will feel ur love and as the sun goes down u will be a shining starClose
I guess this is tha only 2 show how i really feel by sitN here and writing U. I go day by day actN like ur still here ur just @hm like u always were. Dnt kno how else 2 cope with it. @times when we are together and they or i mention to decorate ur site its like i hear or say the words but its another person at that moment doing it. Yeah still N denial just didnt want this 2happen even though I kno it did. I couldnt stop it even if I wanted 2. I sit N different places of my house wondering bout U and other things. Ikno it sounds crazy but if only there was a time machine to go back an change things I would go and be with you more if I knew I couldnt save u. Icant go to your gravesite the only time is when the whole family goes 4ur birthday or the anniversary of ur passN. Its just 2 me ur not there I dont know when I'll ever face reality or when I will let my guard down to grieve. Im cryN right now as i'm writing cause I see ur pictures it hits me for a split sec but not fully. Joey tells me to just let it out.I dont like even going to the hospital where u passed away just to many hard memories. Sum of my friends say that their glad that i let u rest n peace but they must not kno me that good 2 tell when i'm fakN. I dnt kno if i will ever grieve tha way ikno i should but for the time being I love u my nino and u hold a special place n my heart always.
Nino boy Momma visited your favorite school Joe Kelly. We will be planting a tree there in your memory on Maart 26 2010 so I went to see where the tree will be planted. I visited all your old teachers and Jonnie gave me one of your toys; the ball that made noise she said you liked moving it with your face whenever she laid you on the wedge. I also saw Christen the boy whose always reminded me of you. Just seeing him hit me and when I began talking to him and he smiled all I could think of was you. He smiled like you did when I would talk to you his hair was the same texture as yours his hands are like yours and when I was leaving he made a noise the way you would when you were trying to communicate. I couldn't help but cry as I walked out of his classroom. It was so hard but it was also very comforting to my heart. I wanted so bad to give him a big hug. I miss you so much my sweet precious Nino. I'm not the same person I use to be before you died. I feel so lost and heartbroken. I wear a mask everyday for everyone else but when I'm alone the sadness overwhelms me. I'm thankful that God gives me the peace and strength I need to get through each day. Everyone sees me and thinks I'm doing well but in reality they only see the mask I have to put on when I get out of bed. There's never a day that I don't think of you. I have to hide my sadness from your brother and sisters most of the time because I don't want them to see me fall apart. I'm not as strong as I use to be but I try for them. I want them to know that it's okay to cry for you and to miss you especially around me. Yes I may cry when they talk about you or if they cry about you in front of me but that's ok I don't mind. I'm glad they still think of you and miss you. We all miss you and love you so much Nino. You have always been the special angel in our lives and now you are the special angel watching over us.
Comfort from the Bible / Alisha Washington (no relation )
Hello my name is Alisha Washington. I saw that you have suffered a lost in the family and I wanted to share my condolences. There are scriptures in the bible that will bring you comfort during this trying time two of those scriptures are found at John 5:2829 which reads "Do not marvel at this because the hour is coming in which all those in the memorial tombs will hear his voice and come out those who did good things to a resurrection of life those who practiced vile things to a resurrection of judgment.” And the other at Rev. 21:45 states "[God] will wipe out every tear from their eyes and death will be no more neither will mourning nor outcry nor pain be anymore. The former things have passed away.’ And the One seated on the throne said: ‘Look! I am making all things new.’ Also he says: ‘Write because these words are faithful and true.’”
It is our privilege as Jehovah's Witnesses to share in a work that people are being invited to benefit from a program that helps people learn the Bible’s answers to such important questions as: Why do we sometimes suffer and die? What is the purpose of life? How can you find real happiness?
We engage in this activity because we are genuinely interested in our neighbors. Our work is not commercial. It is our hope that those two scriptures console you and that someday soon we will be able to talk to you personally. Please feel free to get in touch with us at www.watchtower.org or 919-779-9718
My sweet Nino boy. Your birthday was difficult for me. I miss you so much. I wanted so bad to hug you and give you a kiss and tell you how much momma loves her Nino boy just like I use to always do. I wanted to hear your happy noises again and see that sweet smile of yours that always made my heart melt. I wanted so bad to have you here with us for your 16th birthday and it hurt me so much that it wasn't possible. I am grateful to the Lord for carrying me through that difficult time and putting peace in my heart. I know that he celebrated with you in his own way and had his angels sing you "Happy Birthday" for me. I had a little candlelight memorial for you at your resting site and it was comforting to see everyone there. I know you are not forgotten. We played the song "Precious Child" sang "Happy Birthday" blew out our candles and released 16 balloons for you. It was short but sweet and I am truly grateful for everyone who was there to share it with us. I know you were there watching us celebrate you. I miss you so much. I hope you had a Happy Birthday playing in heaven my sweet angel. Momma loves you.
Happy Birthday Nino / Adrian Alonso (Daddy)Read >>
Happy Birthday Nino / Adrian Alonso (Daddy)
Wanted to wish you a Very Happy 16th Birthday. I know that you will enjoy this birthday more than your last now that you are able to play with all the other Angels up above with out any pain or sickness. And even though we are not there to watch you do all that you were unable to do while here with us we all still have you in our hearts and we will forever feel you close and know that you are enjoying yourself.
Tomorrow we will still try to have a little birthday party for you as if you were here with family Chocolate cake and balloons. We'll even save you a piece. I know that you won't be here to eat it but it will be here for you just in case.
Everyday I think of all the wonderfull memories that you have blessed me with and I also think about the last few months that we had together. I know that last few months were so tough for all of us to know that our time together was coming to an end but now lately I try so hard not to think of those last few months and I try to think of how you would look as the healthy strong and perfect young man that you are today. How I wish that I can see you now and give you a big hug and tell you thank you for allowing me to be a part of your life. I love you son and can't wait to see when God decides its time for our family reunion.
MY NINO / MISTY SANTACRUZ (THIA) MY NINO I HAD A DREAM OF YOU THE OTHER DAY WITH MY NIECE LILY SHE WAS HOLDING YOUR HAND AS YOU WERE WALKING TOWARDS ME. YOU LOOKED SO HANDSOME AS YOU ALWAYS DID AN SHE WAS SO BEAUTFUL. YOU WERE TALKING TO ME. OH I WISH I COULD'VE HEARD YOUR VOICE THAT WOULD'VE MADE ME SO HAPPY. THIS WHOLE FAMILY ACHES WITHOUT YOU HERE. WE ACT LIKE WE WENT ON WITH OUR LIVES LIKE YOU WOULD'VE WANTED US TO, BUT DEEP DOWN WE ARE HEART BROKEN. NOTHING IS THE SAME WE HARDLY DO ANYTHING AS A FAMILY ANYMORE. THERE'S HARDLY ANY LAUGHTER. IT'S LIKE WE DON'T WANT EACH OTHER TO KNOW THAT WE ARE CRUMBLING INSIDE. WE ARE TRYING TO STAY STRONG FOR EACH OTHER. I WENT TO YOUR GRAVE FOR THE SECOND TIME SINCE YOU PASSED TO SEE YOUR HEADSTONE CAUSE I NEVER SEEN IT BFORE. I COULDN'T STAY LONG CAUSE ALL I COULD DO WAS CRY. I CRY ALMOST EVERYDAY CAUSE YOUR ALWAYS ON MY MIND. AN ITS FUNNY CAUSE MY KIDS ALREAY KNOW WHAT I'M CRYING ABOUT. YOUR THE FIRST THING THAT COMES OUTTA THEIR MOUTH. THEY SAY" MAMA ARE U CRYING CAUSE YOU MISS NINO ?" I CRACK A SMILE THRU MY TEARS AN TELL THEM YES AN IT'S CAUSE I MISS YOU VERY MUCH. I DON'T THINK THIS FAMILY WILL EVER STOP MOURNING YOU. EVERYDAY THAT PASS AN MONTHS IT FEELS LIKE IT WAS JUST YESTERDAY. I DON'T LIKE GOING TO YOUR HOUSE THAT MUCH CAUSE IT HURTS TO GO INTO YOUR ROOM NOT SEEING YOU THERE. WE MISSED YOU ON ALL THESE HOLIDAYS THAT HAD JUST PASSED. RICKIS BDAY WASN'T THE SAME EITHER YOU COULD FEEL IT. I WISH THAT I COULD TAKE AWAY YOUR MOMS PAIN I KNOW SHE IS HURTING THE MOST WITHOUT YOU. I LOVE YOU MY NINO BOY OUR FAMILY'S GUARDIAN ANGEL. Close
To My Little Brother / Ricki Suarez (Your Big Sister )Read >>
To My Little Brother / Ricki Suarez (Your Big Sister )
My Nino. Aiden jus started saying your name and he recognizes pictures of you, that made me so happy. So im hoping that means he can see you watching over us. Sometimes i feel like im all alone without you here with me, we were the big brother and sister. We were the oldest. I have more memories of you then D'Angelo or Aleesa do and i will treasure them for the rest of my life. You taught me so much Nino. That last week you were with us all i wanted was for you to stay with me, i wasn't ready for you to leave me. I remember when it was just me, you, and mama. Now that your gone i feel like you left me to take care of mama by myself, even though it wasn't just us three anymore. The day of your funeral i didn't want them to close your casket, i stared at you for as long as i could when aunt misty and daddy were trying to make my walk away with tears falling down my face because i knew once they closed it, i would never get to see my little brother again. I wish you didnt have to go. I miss you more then words could explain. I try so hard to keep my feelings and thoughts inside because i try to be strong.....like you were and like mama is. Even though im sitting in your room alone with tears filling my eyes, I refuse to left myself break down. It makes me so mad that some people like cousins we never even met before try to say they miss you when they didn't even know you, when they don't even hurt they way that we do, When they never loved you the way that we do. I wish i could see you walking and talking in heaven with your new wings. You always were the angel in the family, now you are the angel watching over our family. Come see us in our dreams soon. I love you with all my heart Nino boy. Close
my thoughts of Nino / Misty Santacruz (thia misty )Read >>
my thoughts of Nino / Misty Santacruz (thia misty )
MY NINO BOY I MISS YOU SO. THERE'S SO MANY TIMES THAT I WANT TO GO TO YOUR GRAVE AN SIT THERE., BUT TO ME YOU AIN'T THERE. I'M JUST SEEING THE GROUND. I GUESS IT HASN'T REALLY HIT ME QUITE YET. WHEN I WAS SICK REALLY BAD ONE TIME AN THE DOCTOR SAID THAT I COULDN'T HOLD YOU OR RICKI. I MEMBER I RAN INSIDE THE HOUSE BFORE YOUR NANA HAD A CHANCE TO TELL YOUR MOMMA THAT I COULDN'T. I JUST CRIED LIKE I WOULD NEVER HOLD YOU OR RICKI AGAIN. THAT DAY CAME TRUE AND I WISH THAT I COULD GO BACK AN HOLD YOU AGAIN. SAY I LOVE YOU ONE MORE TIME. SO U WILL KNOW THAT I DID. I'M SORRY THAT I NEVER REALLY SAID THAT OFTEN. AN NOW YOUR GONE I REGRET IT. I WISH I WAS A BETTER AUNT TO THEN WHAT I WAS, BUT I KNOW YOU FORGIVE FOR BEING SO STUPID AT TIMES. THERE'S NOT A DAY THAT GOES BY THAT I DON'T THINK BOUT YOU AN ASK MYSELF WHY. EVEN THOUGH I KNOW THE ANSWER. I KNOW THERE ARE REASONS WHY THE LORD TOOK YOU AWAY. YOUR MISSION WAS ACCOMPLISHED HERE ON EARTH. YOU DID WHAT YOU SET OUT TO DO. I WONDER AT TIMES ABOUT THE THINGS YOU DO UP THERE. HOW I WISH THAT I COULD SEE YOU DO THEM. I'M WAITING FOR THE DAYS TO SEE YOU AGAIN AN TALK TO ME SO I CAN ACTUALLY HERE YOUR VOICE. AT TIMES I WONDER "AM I CRAZY FOR FEELING THIS WAY AM I OVERREACTING?" , BUT THEN I SNAP OUT OF IT. I FEEL THIS WAY CAUSE I LOVE U AND IT HURTS THAT YOUR NOT HERE WITH THIS FAMILY. U WERE MY NINO NINO. IT FEELS SO UNREAL WITHOUT YOU HERE. AT TIMES I FEEL THAT I WILL GO TO THE HOUSE AN YOU WILL BE THERE, BUT YOUR NOT . IT'S MY EMOTIONS HOPING AN WISHING THAT THIS WAS ALL JUST A DREAM. ALL I CAN SAY IS THAT I DO LOVE YOU AN I DO MISS YOU. I KNOW THAT ONE DAY WE WILL BE TOGETHER AGAIN WHEN THE LORD SAYS IT'S TIME FOR ME TO GO. MY NIECE LILIANA IS NOW WITH YOU IN HEAVEN PLEASE TAKE CARE OF HER AN TELL HER THAT I LOVE HER TO. WELL I LOVE YOU MY NINO BOY WORDS CAN NEVER EXPRESS HOW I FEEL AT THIS MOMENT. COME AN SEE ME FROM TIME TO TIME IN MY DREAMS AN LET ME KNOW THAT YOUR OK. BYE MIJO.